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Unforgivable On the Loose - Do not forgive Madison

Dude, It's Like, Cannibalism Hoagie eats a Hoagie

Gladiator Play a game on Utopia Coliseum

And Then the Universe Implodes Try to mix the disappearing ink with Booboo-B-Gone

Charted! - Normal Finish the Game on Normal Without Changing the Difficulty

Olive Branch Return the stamp album to Weird Ed

Misdirection Distract 15 enemies with rocks (Campaign only).

Brother In Arms Liberate 1 Outpost playing as Hurk (Campaign Co-op only).

I'm Sure He'd Never Notice Try to swap the textbook with the stamp album

Boom Goes the Dynamite Shoot a bundle of dynamite out of the air.

Pacifist Complete the Sewers without killing any Zurks.

And Then the Universe Explodes Try to mix the decaf and caffeinated coffees

Moronic Drone Get a job

Far, Far Away... Drive a total of 50 km

Professional Fortune Hunter Find 40 Treasures

Novelty Enthusiast Get all six novelty items

Brutal Slugger Kill 20 Enemies with Brutal Combo

Voiding the Warranty Try to put something metal in the microwave

Of Course It Would Still Weigh the Same Get a tiny sweater

Missing Pink Try to mix the red paint and the Booboo-B-Gone

Oh Right, I'm Playing a Cartoon! Make a skunk

Don't Try This at Home Microwave the frozen hamster

It's an Honor Just to Compete Enter the human contest

Coffee Achiever Wake up Dr. Fred

Rap Sheet: Cheat Disqualify Harold

Behind Every Great Man Is a Quality Roadie Red makes a super battery with only a little help from Hoagie

It's an Honor Just to Compete But Winning Is Better Win the human contest

Chef Cook the hamster in Maniac Mansion (Don't try this at home, kids!)

Dialog Puzzles Are Hard Get Fred to sign the contract

You Suck Vacuum up a hamster

Rap Sheet: Adventure Gamer Pick up 45 things that don't belong to you

Number Two Power Laverne's Chron-o-John

Flush Acquire a diamond

Number One Power Hoagie's Chron-o-John

Campaign Complete Complete all Campaign levels.

We're All Brothers Ask the IRS agents if they're related

Yesterday's News Defeat Purple Tentacle yesterday

Changing Lanes Perform a Vehicle Takedown from the passenger seat of a vehicle (Campaign Co-op only).

Stocked Collect 150 Items

...Take on the Words! Sit through the end credits

Rap Sheet: Fraud Try to alter the contract with Booboo-B-Gone

Now You're Pushing It Try to microwave the hamster again after he's thawed out

Master Plumber Flush 50 objects through time

ESRB Violation Laverne thinks about eating the cat

That Should Have Worked Hoagie uses battery with Chron-o-John instead of plug

Rap Sheet: Forger Try to sign the contract yourself with the quill pen

Mental Patience Play the whole game without skipping a cutscene

Music Appreciation Award Reach yesterday without turning the stereo off

Can't Win and Chew Gum at the Same Time Laverne tries the chattering teeth on her human during the human show

Alas, Our Lazy Speechwriters Didn't Cover This Talk to Washington, Jefferson, or Hancock while they're outside