Skeptical69_3

Talented Miner Sweep 500 tiles.

(Your extraordinary talent to use the directional buttons and press a Cross button will not go unrecognized.... Okay, it might, but if it does, simply redirect those unappreciative of your talents to this shiny trophy and challenge them to see if they can get it as well, eh? Ehh? Pretty please?)

Pickle Complete level 12.

(Funniest cucumber I'd ever seen.)

Shooting Ball Complete level 13.

(And it's a gooooooaaal! Wait, wrong phrase? Touchdown? Home run???)

Sock Puppet Complete level 14.

(Though often believed to be controlled by the meat sack stemming out of its rear cuff, the parasitic sock puppet is in actuality masterminding all of its own movements and those of its host. By taking advantage of this common misconception, the sock puppet slowly perpetrates the remnants of human society, with passerbys completely oblivious to its nefarious plot to summon the endless void from the depths of darkness to consume our mortal shells.)

Scarecrow Complete level 15.

(Also known as an anti-government drone device. Keeps those drones away.)

Mine-tilllexomaniac Sweep every mine in a level.

(Luckily, I don't have to trust you with actual mines...)

Fence Lights Complete level 16.

(Bright and festive and gleaming with golly, just in time for the holidays! Wait, what do you mean it's only July? Nahh, that's not too early!)

Diamond Complete level 17.

(The cheapest, overly-abundant rock you can overpay for.)

Headset Complete level 18.

(Great for audio playback and muting yourself when you wanna pretend you don't have a mic! GG EZ)

Trees Complete level 19.

(One of the world's most precious resources. Trees don't grow on trees, y'know.)

Mouse Complete level 20.

(I heard they like coookies. I wonder what happens if you give them one...)

Hopes and Dreams Complete level 21.

(Thanks, 2020.

Developer's note: I wrote this back in July (see Fence Lights). I had no idea how much worse things were going to get since writing up this joke, and to future-proof this trophy for the immediate future:

Thanks, 2021.)

Garden Table Complete level 22.

(It's a table, but in your garden. Or is it a garden.... on your table?)

Drone Complete level 23.

(We've done this joke before in the rooftop running game, but the birds work for the bourgeoisie...)

House Complete level 24.

(Ahh, the prospect of home ownership as a late millennial and an early laundry-pod generation ad-ult. Refer back to level 21.)

Otter Complete level 25.

(Absolutely otterrific!)

Stage 1: Play the Game Complete the first page of levels (level 1-25).

Noodle Bowl Complete level 26.

(Could be ramen. Could be pho. Could also be spagetti in an absolutely outrageous but delicious portion of sauce. All are good.)

Mind Miner Certification Complete the tutorial (otherwise called Level 0).

(Now you're ready to start mining my mind! Have fun out there! Err, in there? I dunno, I didn't spend too much time on the plot or premise. Do I have mines stuck in my head or something? We some kinda... Mine My Mind Squad?)

Sherlock Complete level 27.

(Uhhh, this sherlock does not have any feelings or emotional attachments yet. Please don't sue me. And look, it has a hat! The sherlock of your books never wore a hat!)

Wrestler Complete level 28.

(It's a triple double match! Ladders! Chainsaws! Explosions! Fireballs! Popcorn! BRR DRR DRR DRRRRRR)

Arcade Machine Complete level 29.

(The enemy of piggy banks, these arcade machines have been eating up my quarters for years now!)

Flower Complete level 30.

(Wake up and smell the flowers... that is, if you don't have pollen allergies. Lucky... Achoo.)

Treadmill Complete level 31.

(Set one of these up in front of your telly and console, and any sitdown hobby can become healthy and productive! If anybody ever shames you for your easy plats, just say you were exercising!)

Chicken Complete level 32.

(Which came first, the chicken...)

Chopping Board Complete level 33.

(...or the...)

Fried Chicken Complete level 34.

(...eggs used in coating the breading?)

Bat Complete level 35.

(They're basically mini sky puppers. 11/10 d'awwws.)

Briefcase Complete level 36.

(Perfect for carrying stuff or whacking people.)

Alien Complete level 37.

(With the benefit of hindsight, I probably should have made this Level 51.)

Gargoyle Complete level 38.

(They're basically stone angels... but they don't weep, so I guess they're not really angels.)

Turtle Complete level 39.

(Insert joke about them being teenagers and/or ninjas here. How original.)

Turkey Complete level 40.

(Only in 2020 did I learn "don't be a turkey" is a saying. I mean, what's wrong with being a turkey? Nice and plump and delicious, filled with moist, meaty juices, ready for consumption.... There's an entire day dedicated to eating you!)

Nuts & Bolts the Rules, I Have Freebies Use your freebie to sweep the last tile.

(Wait a minute, did you just sweep a bunch of tiles in one turn? That's against the rules!

Sorry, old meme. I'm old.)

Snake Boat Complete level 41.

(Legends say to this day, Pete the Snake is still trapped in his boat, endlessly dodging arrows for the amusement of trophy hunters. He watches helplessly as a score counter slowly ticks upwards, as if it were a measure of his existential dread, and just when he thinks he might be rescued, his would-be saviors always abandon him after five minutes, often in favor of returning back to the comfort of bustling roads and jars of mayo.)

Kitchen Complete level 42.

(Also known as the living room. Specifically, that square meter right in front of the fridge.)

Astronaut Complete level 43.

(If your spacesuit is red, then you're very sus.)

Entwined Spirits Complete level 44.

(Relationship goals... Maybe by the time I'm dead.)

Spider Complete level 45.

(Your friendly, room-ihood spider probably thought of you as its roommate for its entire life. It's been taking care of you, munching up the occasional mosquito and keeping various bugs away. Bugs outnumber humans 200 million-to-one, so we need spiders as our allies for when the great, insect uprising comes [~...calling all spider ri...~]. But then you had to go ahead and smack it, didn't you? Imagine the betrayal it felt when it got evicted from life. How could you, you monster?!)

Otterrific! Complete level 50.

(Well that's an anti-climatic final level... I mean, yaaay... you did it....)

Rainy Day Complete level 46.

(Otherwise known as a regular day with the only other difference being soothing sounds are coming from that weird place beyond the walls. I think they call it... out... doors?)

Inspirational Photo Complete level 48.

(As a wise handyman once said... "Today is tomorrow's yesterday!")

Toy Figures Complete level 49.

(Oh my gosh mom, they're dolls! Not action figures!!)

Stage 2: Continue Playing the Game Complete the second page of levels (level 26-50).

Speedie Miner Complete all fifty levels under an hour.

(Just to be clear, this is NOT cumulative. You have to beat each individual level under an hour each. If you can beat all fifty levels under an hour, that would be mighty impressive as well. Send screenshots or it didn't happen.)

Pergola Complete level 47.

(Yes, that's a word. Trust me, wars have been fought between wayfarers over what to call one of these when nominating a stop / portal... I'm just gonna call it a gazebo.)

Tax evader Commit tax evasion.

Adventurer Grow your own Soil Sword.

Most wanted Rip up a wanted poster.

Heartless Tear up a love letter.